I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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