Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
