I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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