Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
