who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We won't sleep together?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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