I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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