so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
