im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
