so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
