I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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