Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
even my farts smell like vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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