my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
