I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
