"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
