Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Less talking, more tequila
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
