i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
