When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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