yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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