i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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