just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
