If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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