So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize