I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
