Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize