I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize