i just had sex bonerless
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
