Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
