Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
