Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
