I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dignity is for republicans.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Couch. On fire.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
