I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
