my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
