Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
