it hurts more in the daytime
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
