No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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