please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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