apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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