His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
