She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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