you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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