The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
