I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize