Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
