Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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