I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize