The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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