all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
