you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
