I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
