K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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