...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
