Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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