I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
