At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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