Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
