Its about making memories worth repressing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
