New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
