do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
