You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
