Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
