Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
