ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
