i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
