i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
