I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
