he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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