why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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