My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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