I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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