We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
