He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
